so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
