My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
