I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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