oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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