The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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