Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
