I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
