So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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