Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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