Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
