So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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