I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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