i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
