You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
