My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
