If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
