i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just tell him i said nine months
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
