We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
