How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
