I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
