we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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