My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
