Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
