I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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