Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
