Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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