she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
