They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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