Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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