I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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