Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
