so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
