I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
