i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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