My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
