He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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