Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
