I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize