I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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