the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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