I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
