wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
