We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
