I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
