Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
