And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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