theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
