i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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