In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
