Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
