You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
