i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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