I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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