So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
