Cold hands, warm shart.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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