The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
