do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
