you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
