My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
