i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
