i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
