My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
