You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
