Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
