Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
