In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
