I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
