The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
