guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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