Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
