Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
