Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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